social stuff and exploding into autodidacticism

I'm on a few different unschooling boards - unschooling is one of the words used by homeschoolers to describe interest-led learning. Here's a part of a reply I posted to a mom worried about her son's interests and level of motivation where I happen to have a lot to say about what's going on with Rayan:

Another mom wrote: "Nate doesn't finish anything.. Well unless he is building something with Legos or making paper airplanes."

I replied: Wow, what a great example of the difference between chosen work and imposed work! He *has* the ability and attention to finish projects - the trouble is you are not assigning value to his projects.This statement of yours is also a good look at why you can't make assumptions about how unschooling will look in your home based on how a kid responds to schooling and imposed chores. Ray fought and fought and fought against both - he "looked" alot like your descriptions of Nate. Now, after six months of deschooling, he's practically exploding with new projects and ideas. He's drawing and painting and manipulating digital images. He's writing programs and exploring other languages and cultures. He's water skiing and learning to use a fire-staff. The other day he spent two hours in the woodshop making a staff for a guest bc she left hers home. He learned to use a new tool in the process. He's cooking and cleaning without ever being *made* to do so - although he has asked us to remind him to do the dishes. He *wants* to help.

I have read that unschooled children tend to be more successful intrapersonally then conventional schooled children. I for some reason believed (and I am sorry for my assumption) that unschooled kids mainly associated with other unschooled kids.

My kids don't *know* very many unschooled kids. Mo knows a handful, but they all live an hour or more away from us. Ray knows no unschoolers his age irl - although he's met some online. They both spend more time with adults than kids in general. They both have really great social skills for dealing with adults - including the ability to gently deflect adults who are condescending and belittling to them.Mo's better at asking for help with social situations she's not comfortable exploring on her own, but that may be as much a matter of personality. Ray's an extrovert, so he tends to dive in and figure things out in the middle, as it were. That got him into trouble when he was expected to "be respectful" to adults in particular, but also in a lot of kid situations where he was expected to behave in certain ways. Ironically, now that he's not struggling against those expectations he's far more tactful and gracious, even with people he doesn't like or disagrees with. I've seen him "work as a team" with people he barely knows to get a job done more efficiently, whereas half a year ago he would have done his passive-aggressive best to make a mess of things to "get out of" having to help.